Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
