I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize