He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
