Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
