I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
