You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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