Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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