look no pants
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am one with the molecules
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
