i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
