OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize