oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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