Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
