if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
