apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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