yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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