i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
