not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There's a naked man in my car right now.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
