so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The best revenge is premature balding
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
