Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
