This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
