Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
