dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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