Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
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You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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