There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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