ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
