Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
