Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
