My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
