That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
