I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
