I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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