I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
