I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i was born a porn star she said
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
