i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
