Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
whose parrot is this?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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