so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
