omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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