i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
