3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize