Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
