There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
