His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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