Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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