1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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