Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
