..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
