He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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