Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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