she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
