Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5