forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
