I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
