Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
