Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
