so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
