I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
