i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
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We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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