Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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