all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
