Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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