god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
