he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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