Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
