Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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