both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
