bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
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Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
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Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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