omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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