remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
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Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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