god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
