I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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