There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
