glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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