yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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