Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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