I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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