I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
