She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
