Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
