Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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