Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
