And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
