The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize